There are two camps when it comes to scenes - planners, and freestylers. People who plan, and people who go with the flow.

It’s not so much saying one is better than the other, and more so understanding how you operate.

I understood early on that I was a planner. I had to be.

Otherwise my mind raced ahead, rather excitedly, like a labrador that had been given a psychedelic. In an unstructured scene, I would become overwhelmed with possibility and my pacing would be all over.

So to avoid rushing and premature escalation, or chasing the peak without building the foundation to make it truly satisfying, I have the plan.

I want to build in more than adequate time for the teasing, the restraint, the multiple sensory experiences, pushing them to the brink and drawing them back again. That pacing isn’t accidental, it requires me to be intentional about how I structure.

I like to have everything laid out beforehand. I look in my box of tricks and I think about the sort of experience I want to curate. I don’t write anything down, but some do, instead I build a rough sequence in my head based on how I want it to start, where it peaks, and how it comes back down again.

Then I lay my instruments close-by in the order that aligns with the sequence I’ve decided upon.

What I love about this process is that the structure keeps me present. I am not thinking about anything other than being wholly present, reading every micromovement my partners body makes.

It is the only time my mind truly goes quiet. I am entirely focussed on my partner, and the process. It’s important to note that the structure isn’t rigid. I don’t have “Spanking - 4 minutes” written and I must keep to time. The structure doesn’t override the experience. If something is being particularly well received, I may spend longer with it.

Then some people prefer to operate differently.

For them, planning pulls them out of the experience. It may make things feel staged, like they’re following a script rather than being responsive to their partner. They prefer to read the energy, follow their instinct and develop the scene as they proceed.

It can make rooms for moments that couldn’t have been planned.

Personally, if I relied on improvisation I would lose the thread. But if you’re used to improvising, I’m told you have your own internal rhythm that you keep time to.

I enjoy knowing what’s coming next and having the structure to guide my pace.

I don’t mind if I don’t follow the plan perfectly, so long as I create an experience that feels considered and responsive - and above all - satisfying for my partner.

And if you choose improvisation over planning - so long as you both get what you want out of the scene, how you get there is largely irrelevant.